You may decide to build your family in a different way than you expected. You may need the help of a woman to carry your baby. You may need donor eggs, donor sperm, or donor embryos. As a long-time member of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, I can help you with each of those options. I know that extra help is not exactly what you dreamed about. If you can allow yourself to think about possibilities and opportunities, dreams of parenting can come true. I welcome straight and gay couples and single parents-to-be. I can help you with the following options:
Gestational Surrogacy
Gestational surrogacy is a medical, psychological, legal, emotional, and relational process in which a woman contracts with a person or a couple (called Intended Parents or IPs) to carry a child for them. The gestational surrogate, also called the gestational carrier, has no genetic tie to the child(ren). The Intended Mother may use her eggs or donor eggs may be used. Similarly, the Intended Father may use his sperm or anonymous donor sperm. After the delivery, the Gestational Carrier relinquishes all parental rights to the child(ren).
Gestational surrogacy can be arranged privately or through an agency specializing in gestational surrogacy. I see people on referral from fertility centers and agencies. I provide psychological evaluations and psychoeducation to the gestational carrier and her partner, including psychological testing. I provide psychoeducation, including psychological testing, to Intended Parents. I know that this entire process is expensive, but never, never cut corners. In this way, gestational surrogacy can be safe and joyful for all parties. Gestational surrogacy can work and YOU can become parents.
FYI, I am not on the team for traditional surrogacy in which a woman uses her eggs and her uterus. Although you may think it is less expensive, this option is fraught with emotional and financial risks to all participants.
Donating and Receiving Donor Eggs
You may need donor eggs because of genetics, aging, or medical conditions. Obviously, single or gay men who wish to be parents need a female’s genetics to make a baby. You can work with fresh donor eggs, a process in which a young woman has an egg retrieval at your chosen clinic, or with eggs from a frozen egg bank. I can help you understand the loss of your own genetics as well as the hope and kindness offered by egg donors. I can help you with decision-making about using fresh or frozen eggs. I will give you the latest research on how and when to talk with your child about being donor-conceived. Using donor eggs can work and YOU can become parents.
I evaluate and provide psychoeducation to potential egg donors, too. Most of the time, egg donors are anonymous but I say this with a caveat: we know that in the future the legal definition of “donor” is likely to change. Sometimes people bring a known egg donor to see me and we can make that work.
Donor Sperm
You may need donor sperm because of a genetic or health problem, a prior vasectomy, or because you are a single woman who needs the male genetics to make a baby. I can help you understand the loss of your own genetics as well as the hope and kindness offered by sperm donors. I can help you make decisions about sperm banks and anonymous sperm donors. I will give you the latest research on how and when to talk with your child about being donor-conceived. Most of the time, sperm donation is an anonymous process. Known sperm donation is more complex and there are pros and cons, but we can make it work, too. Using donor sperm can work and YOU can become parents.
Donor Embryos
There are an estimated 400,000 frozen embryos in the United States. Receiving donor embryos is much less expensive than using donor eggs. Some people find their embryos at embryo centers around the country and others find them through friends or embryo sharing websites. I can help you with the pros and cons of embryo donation and YOU can become parents.
Use your opportunities to build your family. I look forward to helping YOU become parents!
