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I have written this blog post about Mother’s Day dreams unfulfilled for you to share with others in your lives who do not understand your painful journey just to have a child.   Know that I am with you.

There are many mothers you have not met on this Mother’s Day.  You may not know who they are or the ways in which they suffer on this day, this celebration of mothering that is so easy and happy for so many.  They are the mothers whose children are in their minds, hearts, and dreams.  Their babies have died or have not yet been conceived.  They are undergoing painful infertility treatment with many, many injections and no guarantees of success.  They just had a miscarriage or another miscarriage.  Each and every one of these mothers deserve your attention and compassion. But for the grace of God, they could be you.

They may be avoiding Mother’s Day celebrations because they cannot not cry in front of you.  They are angry at themselves and jealous about what you have.  They are surrounded by bellies and babies.  They just want what seems to be so easy for other people.  They want to hold the babies they dream of. Their choices are not the timing of when to have their children.  Their choices are about where to bury a child or which fertility clinic to spend thousands of dollars at.  Their children are invisible to others, but they are so very real to these mothers.  These mothers carry their babies in their minds, hearts, and dreams.

The dreams of these mothers are real.  These mothers have named their children.  They have thought about feeling a baby move in a growing belly.  They look for nursery décor on Pinterest and dream of college graduation.  They have bought houses on cul-de-sacs and cars that can fit multiple children, waiting for children to come.  They dream of rocking chairs and first days of school and soccer games.  Their dreams are invisible to others.  Their mothering realities aren’t tangible to others, but oh my goodness, they are so very real. There is no baby in a belly or a stroller. Their arms and nurseries are empty. These mothers need and deserve your attention and compassion.

So on this Mother’s Day that seems to be easy for so many, open your hearts and minds to the women around you who are suffering in silence. Don’t make promises to them that you cannot keep.  Don’t offer words about God’s plans. Don’t tell these mothers that you know what they are going through, because you don’t.  Just offer these mothers empathy, not pity or sympathy. And most of all, ask to hear their stories. And then listen with your heart.

Thank you.